Spiced
by madame.alexandra
Summary: Luke helped the Rogue Squadron to play a prank on Leia, but really only so he could give Han a little payback ... / companion piece to 'Babysitting.' [by request of a reader on A03]. Han/Lea; ESB era.


_a/n: this is ... honestly, i don't have an explanation. someone asked me to do a companion to 'Babysitting' and i did._

* * *

 _ **Spiced**_

* * *

It was always easy to find Han: he spent all of his down time on the _Falcon_. Even when he wasn't fixing it, he was hanging out on or in close proximity to his beloved ship, almost as if he was afraid mingling too much with the Rebellion would infect him with a sense of revolutionary decency. So, when Luke hustled an extremely uncooperative Princess Leia up the ramp and found the _Falcon_ empty, he was – consternated, to say the least.

He put his hands on Leia's shoulders and sat her down in the main hold.

"I do not want to be here, _Sir_ ," she informed him properly.

"Tough toydarians, Leia," retorted Luke in a hiss.

She gave him an unfocused sort of glare, and folded her arms, turning her nose up and away. She held that position for a moment, swayed slightly, and then slumped backwards ungracefully.

"Hold that thought," Luke told her.

Somewhere behind him, he heard stomping, and saw a flash of colour as Han walked on the ship into the cockpit, oblivious to the intruders. Holding his hands up pointedly at Leia, he mouthed 'stay here' and took off after Han, strolling into the cockpit right as Han sat down and put his feet up. Luke watched him silently for a moment. The smuggler put his hands behind his head and leaned back in his chair, clearly settling in for some kind of nap. Luke waited a second longer, and then cleared his throat.

Han practically jumped out of his skin. He let out quite the unmanly _yelp_ of fear.

Swearing loudly, he tore his feet off the console and spun around in his chair.

" _Luke_!" he bellowed.

Luke tried not to laugh, and failed miserably. He leaned against the doorway a little, clutching his ribs.

"You sounded – "

"I'm gonna throttle you, kid."

"You sounded – "

Luke choked, trying to finish his sentence.

"You sounded like – like Leia that time we put a Sullustian worm on her foot – "

Glowering menacingly, Han raised his fist a little, sitting forward.

"What the hell are you doing on my ship?" he demanded.

He'd really been expecting to come back to some peace and quiet, especially since Chewbacca was out helping with patrols. He was not expecting to find excitable wannabe Jedis lurking in the shadows.

"I need a favor," Luke said.

"What else is new?" Han griped moodily – hadn't he been doing everyone favors since he blasted out of Mos Eisley cantina for this kid?

"Well, actually, Leia needs a favor. She's just incapable of articulating it at the moment," Luke went on.

Han snorted skeptically.

"She's never been incapable of articulating somethin' in her life," he pointed out – and Luke _swore_ there was just a small amount of fondness in the comment.

"Then clearly, this will be a once in a lifetime experience for you," Luke retorted. "Not to mention you kind of owe her this."

"Owe her what?" Han asked suspiciously.

"Uh, hmmm. Well. Remember when you got all – sort of _disoriented_ – because of the alcohol and cold medicine incident?"

Han gave Luke the blankest look possible. Truth be told, he didn't remember most of that, save for the fact that Chewie relentlessly mocked him for getting tangled in the Wookiee hammock, and Leia said the cut on his arm was from her helping him escape.

"No," he said, almost menacingly.

Luke rolled his eyes.

"Leia covered for you," he explained. "Big time."

"The way I heard it, she spent a lot of time tripping me and pushing me around," Han muttered.

"So you do remember."

Han just glared. He was about to order Luke to go away, but then he sort of put everything together – he owed Leia, specifically, for that incident? His brow furrowed, and he narrowed his eyes at Luke.

"What'd you do to Leia?" he asked.

"Nothing!" Luke said defensively.

He was able to uphold that lie for about twenty seconds.

"Okay. Wedge, Dak, and Hobbie – made some sweets with – spice in them," he began.

"Spice?!"

"Not the heavy kind you used to smuggle – the kind that's legal. On most systems," Luke said, wincing. "Anyway," he drawled. "They wanted to prank Leia with them and she…ate some."

"Nice try, Luke," Han snorted. "Leia's not stupid enough to eat anything one of the Rogue Squadron bakes and offers her."

"You're right," Luke said. "Which is why they had me give it to her."

Han arched his brows at the kid – and here he thought Luke was so firmly on Leia's side about everything. Spiking her food seemed like something – well, like something Han would do before _Luke_ would.

"That's cold, Luke."

Luke had the good grace to blush.

"Hear me out," he muttered.

"I've never seen Leia really pissed, but I bet she gets you back in the worst kind of way," Han told him.

Luke nodded hastily – he was prepared for that.

"I didn't just do it for them; I had an ulterior motive," he whined.

Han folded his arms, swiveling his chair a little. He considered Luke intently, waiting. This was the kind of thing that happened on a place as dismal and mind numbing as Hoth – increasingly out of control _pranks_. The leadership was getting really fed up with it, and Han was willing to bet if they found out it had finally gone as high up as Princess Leia being dragged into it, they'd go _ballistic_.

"You see, obviously, we need to hide her," Luke went on.

"Good luck with that."

Luke smirked at him. Han narrowed his eyes.

"You didn't – "

"I brought her here," Luke confirmed brightly, interrupting. "She watched you, so you can watch her."

Han glared at him.

"You got yourself into this mess," he growled at him. "You take care of her!"

"No, _this_ is part of the prank," Luke insisted. He started to grin. "Consider it a present," he added slyly.

"You've got to be kidding me," Han griped.

"She's really toasted," Luke said, trying not to burst into laughter. "It'll be fun – "

He broke off at the look on Han's face – the look that focused somewhere over his shoulder – and turned abruptly, to find Leia standing there in her disheveled snow gear, hair escaping from her braid. The usually regal Princess put her hand against the doorway to brace herself and gave them both heavily lidded, suspicious looks.

"Where am I?" she demanded.

Han didn't answer. He stared at her a moment, and then raised one eyebrow. Luke turned back to him gleefully, starting to back away.

"So all you have to do is watch her," he said, walking backwards towards the ramp.

"Hey! Come back here!" Han called, starting forward as Luke began to disappear. "She's your problem, kid – "

It was no use; Luke had darted away, and Han was left staring at what was clearly a very spiced-out Leia standing – or rather, leaning – in the doorway. And she still looked like she wanted to be told where she was.

He cleared his throat.

"This is the _Falcon_ ," he said lamely.

"I know," she answered.

There was no recognition on her face, though.

"Then why'd you ask?" Han returned, somewhat amused.

"Why did I ask what?" she asked innocently, pushing off the wall.

She wandered around the cockpit a little, and then turned back to him, studying him intently.

"Captain Solo, I feel very strange," she informed him quietly.

"Ever had spice before?" Han asked, leaning back in his chair a little, _full_ amusement settling in.

"I most certainly have not," she said loftily. "I am a – _princess,_ we have people to do those things for us!"

Han laughed.

"You have people to do your drugs for you?" he clarified.

Leia looked at him, faintly confused, and then folded her arms.

"Are we acquaintances?" she asked him formally.

Schooling his features solemnly, Han nodded.

"Yeah," he said, very seriously. "You're madly in love with me."

Leia looked surprised.

"I had no idea," she sighed.

Han shrugged his shoulders smugly. This was actually kind of fun. Luke probably needed someone to explain what a prank was – _pranks_ were supposed to inconvenience their victims, not give them all sorts of amusing suggestive power over unsuspecting princesses.

"I need to sit down," Leia informed him.

Han gestured around at the empty seats, but to his surprise, she stumbled forward and placed herself directly on his lap, spinning them both around to face the viewport. He found himself staring at the hanger wall with Leia's head half-obscuring his vision, and he cleared his throat. Scratch that lesson Luke needed on pranks – obviously the inconvenience here was Leia throwing herself at him but being in no state to actually consent to anything he wanted to do to her.

Blasted little Tatooine punk.

He cleared his throat.

"Leia. I'm already sitting in this chair," he informed her sternly.

"I know," she answered blithely. "I want to sit here."

Han grit his teeth, keeping his hands glued to the armrests and very innocently away from any part of her.

"Right," he muttered, nodding to himself. "Just so you know, this was _your_ choice."

Leia reached out and flipped several switches, causing a bunch of things to light up.

"Hey!" yelped Han, grabbing her hands. "Easy on the merchandise – hands off, Sweetheart," he ordered.

"I want to fly the ship," Leia said, turning to face him.

He gave her a look.

"I'm not letting you fly the ship, Leia," he said flatly.

"But I want to see the stars," she whispered conspiratorially. "Captain Solo, remember when you said you'd make me see stars?"

"Uhh…"

"I'd like you to do that _now_ ," she commanded.

"I wasn't talkin' about flying a ship!" Han said in a strangled tone – _kriff_ , was she the only human in the galaxy who was that innocently unaware of sexual innuendo? Hell, maybe that's why he wasn't getting anywhere – all this time, she genuinely didn't understand he was flirting!

She pursed her lips in a very injured pout, and he brought up a hand to rub his temples, trying to ignore the fact that she was still sitting in his lap. She took his hand and pulled it away from his face.

"You make me dizzy sometimes, Captain Solo," she said unexpectedly.

He let her hold his hand, distracted. He met her eyes.

"What's with the 'Captain Solo'?" he asked. "You forget my name or something?"

She looked completely lost, her eyes cloudy with the effects of the drug. She thought about it long and hard, and then guessed:

"Chewie?"

Han laughed; he didn't have the heart to be offended. He just shrugged, and winked at her, shaking her hand off a little.

"I make you dizzy?" he teased.

She sighed, and rested – no, it was more like she collapsed, in a heavy sort of tumble – against his chest, her forehead falling into his neck sleepily. He thought he felt her nod.

"How come?" he asked, lifting his head a little.

Leia shrugged. She didn't answer. She yawned.

"Why did that Jedi bring me here?" she murmured.

"I told you," Han joked. "You're in love with me."

Leia seemed to accept that silently.

"I'm asleep," she told him after a moment.

"Getting there," he agreed.

It seemed that, a good five minutes after announcing it, she actually fell asleep, and even though having all of her sprawled in his lap, complete with intoxicating perfume and soft hair, was pretty much torture in every definition of the word, he made no move to wake her up. At some point, he'd probably get up and put her in her own chair, just to save her some embarrassment when she woke up and he had to explain to her what happened - but for now, he just leaned his head back, and decided he was pretty glad Luke had decided to turn into a hoodlum and start sinking to the Rogues' level.

That is, until he heard huge, lumbering footsteps on the ramp, and his alone time with Spiced Out Leia was interrupted by Chewie's big, furry form barging into the cockpit.

The Wookiee froze, stared at the scene before him with a mien of disbelief for a moment, and then held up his hands, shaking his shaggy head as he stomped away, grumbling:

 _[I'm not even going to ask.]_

* * *

 _rebel hijinks !_

 _-alexandra  
story #282_


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